you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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