He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
