In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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