My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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