So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
