Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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