Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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