Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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