don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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