Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
