after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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