Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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