I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
