i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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