it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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