You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
