He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
