So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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