1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
