so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
why is half of my head shaved?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
