I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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