its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
