Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
