The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
