I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
