You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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