im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
