when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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