he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
