Yo dont text me then not text me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
