maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
