8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
