There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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