I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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