My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
