So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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