Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
