My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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