So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
