I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
