why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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