Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
