Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
