well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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