I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
