The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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