i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
