You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
