The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
