I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
