My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
