I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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