My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
