after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
