I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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