remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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