There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
