Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
someone owes me an orgasm
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...