So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life