WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder