This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself