quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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