We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
