I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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