Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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