I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
