What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
